Memorable 20th Birthday ever :')

Salam n hello everyone. something to share with. well. Alhamdulillah, i am officially 20 years old already. really thanks to Allah because bagi me opportunities to move on with my life. my 20th birthday is my very memorable birthday ever, this is because i have lost someone whom i wont have any chance to meet her again. My grandmother, passed away on 12 April 2011, around 4.50 am. i am still shock with this actually n still cant believe that she left all of us. Angah sangat sedey with all this. paling sedey, angah xsempat nk jumpa n attend during her funeral that evening. because i have to wait for my little brother. Ya Allah. aku terima ujian mu Ya Allah.. berikan lah aku kekuatan :') 

n to Eleena, thanks lot because u calm me down.. u know that i am not that strong to face all this. but yea. i'll take all ur advises.n really sorry i have to cancel our plan. i know u will understand. n yea. u r my ever best friend whom r always alert n concern the most about me. i really appreciate it darling :)) n thanks lot babe..i promise that v gonna celebrate my birthday soon okay :)) love u always. 

to the others, yang called me, msg me, thanks a bunch okay guys. n also to all my friends yang wish me for my birthday, really appreciate it guys. sorry if i xpick up calls o msg. i wasn't in mood that time. i hope u guys understand my situation. kami masih bergabung anyhow. thanks. i am not lying. this is reality. to those yg ingt i tipu, thanks. i dun mind. but remember, I HATE LIAR BECAUSE I DUN LIE. thanks. have a nice day peeps :))

tomy relatives n parents, i'm really sorry to burden u guys. angah sumpah xkisah if x celebrate birthday, sebab with what had happen to our family, i understand. but u guys buat something yang sangat sweet even though v still berkabung. especially to Pak Ngah n Fam, thanks for Laksa n kuih. Kak Nurul, thanks for the gift. :)) Pak Chak n Along Saliny thanks okay. not to forget, my beloved Mama n Abah. thanks for the cakes. :')) i dun really aspect that u guys still gonna do this to me.. Thanks a lot n Alhandulillah :)) I love u people so much!!


Mak Tok, i will always pray for the best for u. Al- Fatihah

with love, Belle :)

where its start again :)

Once again. again n again. hurmmm. okay. thanks. i dun know what is happening to me. i just can't get over him. it is easy when people keep telling me to forget about him, but, just put yourself in my shoe. i bet u can't even bare to stand as what i am now. "sabar, lupakan dia, u deserve better" hurmmm. thanks to people who always b there for me. i noe u tried more that hard to help me to get over all this dirty life. black memories. but i just can't erase him... always pray to "HIM" to send me a better man to lead my future. but always him who appeared, who still in my mind. y it is so hard for me to throw him away as he's so easily grab n threw me back? STUPID. yea. i am now. hurmmm.. i need a better life. for god sake.. i miss him badly. but... hurmmmm i just need him to love me as much as i love him. i want him to miss me much as i did.. :( n i want him proudly announce to his frens that i am his only girl in his life... y it is so hard for u to do that? what's the matter now?

Don't underestimate people :)

who r u to judge people. yea. i understand. everyone have their own perception. but dun ever2 underestimate them. no one is perfect. n all of us have their own right to do whatever they want. so please, if u think that u r good enough, u r SO WRONG darling. b an observer way more better than judging people. that's all for now. have a nice day people. 

with love

BelleQyra

EOS 500D

Thanks a lot Abah for that. i really appreciate it. hurmm. bout the conversation between mama, me n u, i'm really sorry. i dun want to b other people. i dun want to lied to myself. i dun want to b a daughter who cheated on her parents. what i have now, what u see now, is what i am outside there, when i am not in ur observation. i noe i've done lot of mistake. but at the same time, mistakes taught me to b a better human. Abah, Mama, i am really sorry because i have to disappoint u bout this matter, but what i want both of u to know that, i dun want to cheat on both of u.i realized that this is for my own good, but dun force me to b someone. i guess it is better for u to accept for what i am now rather than u have to accept someone whom u might not noe someday. I DUN WANT TO PRETEND to b somebody that i dun even know. i noe that both of u loves me lot. but please. i hope that u will c what am i trying to to say soon.

with love

BelleQyra

Take it o leave it

I mess up, fall and screw up. i take the hit n i stand like i want even touched. the pain is worth it bcz it makes me realized bout things happen in this world, learn my lesson from my mistakes with just blink my eyes n it all go away even though takes time. Life always b real. I'm messing up everyday in thousand way. people might ask me if i have regret. A little bit, but hello, this is life. NONE is perfect. but i am not saying that we can keep repeating the same mistakes. I'm on this earth for a goddamn reason. making mistakes doesn't make me less of a person. it make me even stronger n brave princess than already i am now. we're alive n we were made to learn from the stupid shit we do. Life is what i want to b, the power is mine n on my hands to make what i want to b. Blink once, think thrice. No one can tell me how to live my life n i refuse people to do so. therapy doesn't work me. i am a strong believer of love, karma n fate. everything in life happens for a reason. people r always going to try to bring u down, but u can't let that get in ur way. with love Belle Qyra

Hectic week!

Damn. i couldn't express how tired am i this week. feel like am running thousand miles this week. tired tired tired. assignments really tense me so badly. yea. really touch my tipping point perhaps. but what can i do, i just can talk to myself that i can do it (intra personal communication) each time when i feel like giving up doing all this. interpersonal communication occurs when me, express what i have in my mind to HIM. :) stress, problems, happiness, sadness. yea. now am starting to share things with Him because for this moment, i think he's the Mr Right for me to listen n make me calm. well, i never imagine that study can b this hard, rushing n so stressful than i thought before. but well, for my own future n my own good sake, i have to get up, b more brave to face the world n reality, n achieve what i suppose to be. yea. that is what i aimed besides to b with my family, him n friends. so, here i am. updating what is happening in my life, not everyday, but during my leisure. thanks for reading people. this is what i can share with u for now, will update soon. 

with love,

BelleQyra

EXHAUSTED!!

Hello everyone. how are u today?hope everything goes fine. okay today is my very exhausted day ever. i slept at 6.30 am in the morning and woke up at 9 am. prepared for my mass media presentation. i couldn't sleep because i was all alone last night in my room. and yea. i am scared. so it is so hard for me to rest my mind. the other reason is, i'm too worried about my presentation, scared that i cant do it. well today i have 2 presentations. one is at 10.30 am n the another presentation is at 6 pm. well, i waited to present for my 1st presentation until 3.30 pm. my partner and i were too eager to do our presentation at first, but v were kind of upset because we have to wait for another session which start at 1 until 3.30 pm. its okay bout that. maybe my lecturer have something else to do. but bit relief when she's in a good mood at that time. after the presentation, i have my half an hour rest and i have to get ready for my office class at 5 pm. BRAVO! when i reach that class, there was a quiz is given. err. but Alhamdulillah, i can do that quiz. just a simple quiz, not that difficult. after i've done with that quiz, my roommate and i, went to the auditorium for our second presentation. okay. here the big story begin. last week, our lecturer for professional image building subject told us that our group can present on this Monday (17.1.11) at the auditorium because one of our group member are not feeling well the other day. so she said that there will b A FEW students on that day in her interactive class. but than when my group and i arrived at the auditorium, i feel like OH MY GOD!!!! the auditorium was occupied with crowd!!! my heart starts to pump even faster n faster. okay. 1st because this is my first time, second i dun even know them third, i am scared that they will laugh at me. okay. take quite long time to make myself and my others team member to present. and yea. v do it. i am so proud of them cz we did it together even though i know it is not that perfect. but HEY!! we r more lucky than others classmate. we shared our story with other students different courses. yea. thanks miss azlina for this experience. i am really happy. okay. after we've done everything. DONE!!! yea. shouted in my heart. and i went for a meal with HIM :) heeee. yea. i am so exhausted, but he make me to forget bout my very tiring day. excited telling him this and that. n as usual, he'll listen to me. sorry sweetheart. i love to share my stories with the person whom i love so much. so u are the man. and thanks for all ur time. i am started missing u every time u send me back to hostel. soobbsss. but i have to learn to b a big girl kan kan kan? Lebbiiieeewwww sweetheart. alright. now i cant even see my keyboard. i need to go to my dreamland. so these are what had happen for today. will update more soon. 

with love

Belle Qyra 

Baby step to move forward :)

hello!! i am back. suddenly feel so free to update my blog at this moment. well, lately i am busy with my college life. assignment, presentation, test, classes. so tiring so exhausted yaw!  but the best part is, i will never tired to be with lovely person. i dun want to mention any detail about that person yet, but soon i will. still in progress of understanding each other.so far so good. both of us agreed to take our baby step for this. i dun wanna rush for this relation anymore as i dun wanna hurt others and my feeling. but i'll try to b a better person. this time. stand after few times i fell. wept my tears n b a big girl. no more cry for rubbish. draw smiles for a better life. laugh as there's no tomorrow. well, i should appreciate with what i have now. btw, i would like to thank to my beloved aunt Shrennaz Lim and my beloved best friend forever, Eleena. both of them are really mean lot to me besides my parents. thanks for all ur supports, advises and everything. wish that we can go for lunch ang yam-cha together someday. to my beloved close friends, Nabilah,Imran,Eka, Lily, Fara, Shidah and others, thanks to u guys too okay. thanks cz being so supportive. awwhhh. feel wanna cry aite now when i write bout it. i am too fragile without u guys!! i really appreciate n feel so grateful i have all of u when i was so down previously. i dunnu what else should i say other than THANK YOU. 

thanks my beloved Aunt Shrennaz Lim :)

with love, 

BelleQyra :)

Diamond instead of broken glass :)

well hello. i am back right on track of my brand new life. quite long period i didn't update this since the horrible post that i had post previously. okay. i am really sorry readers n also my close friends. Thanks cz make me realized for all my mistakes. alright for now on, that thing won't ever happen again as i smell there's something good gonna happen in 2011. pray for me people as i do always pray for my lovely people. what do u think bout when i put the title DIAMOND INSTEAD OF BROKEN GLASS? alright. let me share something with u. i am not a materialistic 1st of all. diamond is something that is good for me for all this time. always b with me n c the best in me. doesn't have much complain about my weaknesses. just this diamond win the best way to improve me to b a better person. while this broken glass, who always seems to make me b a better person, but doesn't noe how to make itself being a better person. instead of doing the right thing, it just give me tons of scars n bleed me very badly. most important, dun lied if u r broken glass cz i wont harm u, i'll help u to mold u back.but glass always b glass. u make urself broken into pieces. that is what i always been blind with. but after what had happen, this matter does really bring me out from the tiny little box that all this while i trapped myself in. now i can c what world's trying to tell me bout life. i have no worries for falling down again n again because i believe, there's diamond who gonna shine my life again n make me the most happiest person in this world. yea. past always b past. now with o without the broken glass, i am moving. Alhamdulillah. thanks Allah cz u let me c all the good things behind those terrible thing happened to me. i really appreciate with what have u gave to me. i'll b the most proud slaves for u. 

with love

Aqilah Shahidan :)

belleqyra

Lightning dun strike.

Just let it die with no goodbyes 

Details dun matter v both paid the price

Tears in my eyes u noe sometimes it'll b like that

Yes it will be

Now every time i c u

I  pretend that i'm fine

when i wanna reach to u

 i turn back n walk with no sound of footsteps. 

I must confess that v were bigger than anything 

Remember us at our best 

N dun ever forget bout it.

I'm just speaking through my experiences

I am Nothing to compare to ur first true love

So i hope this could remind u

When it's for real, its forever

Dear,

I'm missing u please dun allow love to lose

v got to ride it through n i am reaching for u

till the very end. yes. i am missing u.

with love 

belleqyra

I love them :)

Awwhhhh. while i am cracking my head doing my assignment, out of sudden, these few cartoons character came across. yea. those cartoons character i love the most n proudly to say that i still fall in love with it till now. yea. i am 19 years old. so is there any problems? okay. u can say that i'm act like a small kid, but LIKE I CARE? i like it, i love it. so? bahahahaha.maybe mostly girls at my age, they just look at branded stuff, focus on latest fashion such as handbags, clothes,dress n whatever but i dun really care bout it that much. i miss the moment when i can watch sesame streets,powerpuff girls n winnie the pooh. honestly there's once i cried when i was watching winnie the pooh the movie. i can't recalled which one, but i did cried for it. hahaha :D  sometimes i just wish that i can b in their world. play with them, sing along with them n do lot of thing together. funfunfunfun okay!!!  

awwhhh. Elmo. i have my so called smelly blanky with me now :) n i can't sleep without it

blossom :)

Bubbles

I want blossom's hair :)

Baby Winnie the Pooh & Friends

cute little baby pooh!

i wish i can have soft toy for these cartoons character for Christmas. can i can i?? :)

with love,

Belleqyra

The View :)

It is funny when u find urself

Looking from the outside

I am standing here but all i want

Is to be over there with u..

Y did i let myself believe that miracle could happen

Cause now i have to pretend that i dun really care..

I thought u were my fairy tale

A dream when i am not sleeping

A wish upon a star that's coming true

But everyone else could tell me now

that i confused my feeling with the truth

When there was me n u I swore i noe the melody

That i heard u singing n when u smiled u made me feel

Like i could sing along

But then whn u went n changed the words now my heart is empty 

I'm only left with use to be's n once upon a song

Cause now even i can tell myself

That i confused my feelings with the truth

Cz i miss the view when there was me n u together

I cant believe that i could b so blind 

Its like u were floating while i was drowning

All i want is u to b there n make me float again..

I hope u understand all i wanted is to be with u..

with love

belleqyra

Inspiration sunshineme

New Hair cut for BelleQyra Shahidan :)

Well, as far as i thought, December isn't really disaster for me, maybe toward relationship, yea, it is disaster because i failed to keep my relationship. never mind about that, at least i experienced more o less what is love about. how happy am i when i was in love n how hurt enough when it doesn't stand as long as i want. its make me realized bout so many things, hell yeah! Wake up Belle! this isn't end of ur life. Start a new chapter of yourlife. Doesn't mean i have to find a guy to b my boyfriend o so called lovely boy boy. nahh. i still have responsibilities to take care. Studies Ambitions Future Family. yeah! so now i get up after for few weeks i feel like i'm dying. actually, it is hurt until now, but i have to move on, like people always tell me that. 

unhappy with my new hair but this is new me :)


so yea, first i did cut my so called Rapunzel hair! hahaha. after for so long i did mention about it, n at last i did it. okay. as usual, people will say that i look much younger with this new hair cut. well, doesn't matter with what u people wanna say, i am so damn happy with what i have now. so, dun give lot of compliment as u r x that PERFECT okay. u noe who u r. so sorry to say that u r not that PERFECT. yea. so STOP condemn bout others.  THANK YOU LOVE YOU! 

secondly what i did to make myself happy is celebrating my endless love lover whom is my lovely parents. Its their 23rd anniversary actually but i've wrongly type as 20th the other day. well, mistakes always happen in our life, so the moral of the story, always be ALERT! weee :) well, proudly said that i am happy because i still have both of my parents to love me as much as they can. I noe i am the stubborn n pampered baby girl in my family, but i am 19 years old already, so anytime now, i can be more independent n please, Abah, Mama, i need my teenage life. i noe there's lot of thing u didn't stop me from doing it but i always need ur moral support. n yes! u always sometimes. err?? nahh. its okay if that make u people blur. 

King&Queen n i am their Princess :)

sorry abah n mama this pic not really that good. so i am waiting for abah to get me the DSLR. than i promise i will take care of it as much as i can n i will make lot of our family picture okay. Thanks Abah.  I love u So Much!!!

what else? i guess this is what i am now. n a lil bit more, i am happy n satisfied. not that much of satisfied, i have to make it to b true n reality. hopefully, new year will bring me much n better life than 2010. n i'm praying for that. THANK YOU.
with love
belleqyra

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

You're probably on your flight back to your home town

I need some shelter of my own protection, baby

To be with myself and center

Clarity, peace, serenity I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightening out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry The path that I'm walking I must go alone

I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown

Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightening out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry Like the little school mate in the school yard

We'll play jacks and Uno cards

I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine

Valentine Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to

'Cause I want to hold yours too

We'll be playmates and lovers

And share our secret worlds But it's time for me to go home

It's getting late, dark outside

I need to be with myself, and center

Clarity, peace, serenity

Faith in Me :)

Well, i am me. thanks lot people. Especially to my mama abah. Not to forget my best lover best friend forever till the end of my life my childhood friend, Yew Eleena Sue. n others my soul-mate room8, Nabilah, Abang Amer, Hafeez n people who always b with me n try so hard to make me realized n make me calm. Okay, day by day i am getting better. control my emotion. yea. it is hurt, but anyhow, it already b my past. For all ur prayers, I am standing here. Yea. Thanks lot. n Alhamdulilah. there's must b a reason for things happen in our life. n i believe it now. so now, i have to stand by my own when i fall. fly through my family n my dream. love? hurmm. i guess i've lost the definition for it. but if someone could bring the definition back, why not. for sure not at these short time. hahaha. FOCUS!

p/s: someone told me this : kalau ada jodoh tak lari mana. hahaha. 

fairytale story ke apa. sigh!

Salam Maal Hijrah..

Ku menatap dalam kelam

Tiada yang bisa ku lihat

Selain hanya nama mu Ya Allah

Esok ataukah nanti

Ampuni semua salahku

Lindungi aku dari segala fitnah

Kau tempat ku meminta

Kau beriku bahagia

Jadikan aku selamanya

hamba-Mu yang bertakwa

Ampuniku Ya Allah

Yang sering melupakan Mu

Saat kau limpahkan karunia-Mu

Dalam sunyi aku bersujud
Pada Mu(ya Allah)

Ya Allah ya tuhan ku,

Sesungguhnya engkau maha pengasih, maha penyayang lagi maha pengampun,

Aku hanya hamba Mu yang sering melakukan dosa2 yang dibenci oleh mu,

Ampunilah diriku Ya Allah.

sesungguhnya kepada Mu ku meminta, dan kepada Mu ku bersujud.

Lindungilah aku dari segala musibah yang tidak dpt aku tempuhi,

kuatkan lah iman ku, tabahkan lah hati ku untk melalui segala cobaan yang aku alami Ya Allah..

Berikanlah aku petunjuk kepada hidupku, Sucikan lah hati ku daripada segala kekotoran...

Ya Allah ya Rahman, 

Aku besujud kerna sedar akan kebesaranMu ya Allah,

Ampunilah segala dosa2 lama ku Ya Allah. 

berikan lah aku peluang untuk tebus segala dosa ku kepadaMu.

Ya Allah,

sesungguhnya Aku hambaMu yang sgt hina,

aku meminta kau ampunilah segala dosa org2 yang telah menganiyai diriku,

Tunjukkanlah kepadanya sesungguhnya kekejaman adalah amalan yang paling kau benci,

Buka kan lah hatinya,sucikan hatinya dan bawalah dia ke jalan yang kau redhai Ya Allah.

Ya Allah Tuhan Yang Maha Mengasihani,

Berkati lah segala yang dilakukan kedua org tua ku terhadapku.

Sesungguhnya mereka telah melahirkan dan membesarkan ku dengan penuh kasih sayang.

Berikanlah aku kesempatan untuk bukitkan kepada mereka bahawa aku bole menjadi anak yang berguna..

Hindarkanlah mereka dari segala bencana dan musibah ya Allah..

Amin..